So Elizabeth’s surgery (full mastectomy of right breast) is set for Monday, May 9th. That is one week from today and we are more than ready to move on this next stage. It is different than we had originally anticipated, but it makes sense after they explained it to us. She will have the single mastectomy first followed by five to six weeks of radiation. Then six months go by and she will do a mastectomy of the other side as well as reconstruction at that time. This helps the “problem side” heal more appropriately before working on the preventative side. They did tell us it would be a marathon at the beginning… ugh.
Now that the details are out of the way, I must confess I had a bit of an outburst of frustration and even a bit of anger today. If you are just at the blog for treatment details, this would be a good spot to drop off. I’m about to go on a Duncan is dumb tangent and hope you don’t make my mistakes. So read on at your own risk…
This morning we went in for a pre-op procedure for Elizabeth. Leading into this the surgeon and oncologist talked about it like it was such a routine, quick and simple in and out.
Unfortunately this “magseed placement” procedure had to be done in our least favorite department Elizabeth has had to work with: ultrasound/radiology. This is the same group that missed her cancer over two years ago when she first went in for imaging. I won’t go into the details, but let’s just say they didn’t seem to know what they were doing today. I was livid. It ended up taking over an hour longer because they had to wait for the surgeon to get out of a surgery to explain what they were supposed to do. Oof.
For most of the rest of today I have been stewing over what I would deem incompetence. Sometimes the good Lord has to teach us through trial and wise counsel. As I was slinging lattes today at the cafe, a favorite professor that I never had a class with at Spring Arbor walked in, Dr. Paul Patton. He didn’t know what had happened today, nor did he give any specific word of wisdom towards dealing with anger or bitterness. As those who know him can attest, he just WAS.
Dr. Patton has such a calming demeanor and kind soul, that his presence alone was like a hand resting on a clanging cymbal of my mind. After that wonderful encounter (I hope he reads this at some point), I was able to reflect better on why I reacted as I did.
New blooms and new hair growing back!
Hospital systems are very complex. Elizabeth’s case has been pretty convoluted from the beginning, having been in multiple hospital systems and many months and years between different scans. They SHOULD be able to figure out their process, but it is also understandable how they didn’t. As someone who is normally pretty happy go lucky, it bothered me how mad I got today. So why?
I realized later that it was because I knew their uncertainty would cause anxiousness and doubt in my wife. It was less about their struggle to do a job in a way we could trust, and more about not wanting to see the love of my life struggle. When she hurts, it seems to be a double hurt on me: I don’t like to see her hurt AND I do not like being unable to help fix the hurt.
I don’t tell all of you kind, wonderful souls about my reflection of the day to pat myself on the back or look for any kind of affirmation that I am justified in being mad. I more so want to encourage us to reflect on the root of our emotions. Recent days have made enemies of friends. Political divides, Geo-political unrest, a pandemic, inflation, and frickin Betty White passing away has really gotten us on edge. At our core we all want to be love and accepted. That doctor and ultrasound tech today are humans that still desire those things that I did not give today. I’ll be better next time. Hope we all get better at that real soon.
Much love,
Duncan the knuckle head
PS- chickens are doing well
